tears

I want to be blank. I want to curl up in a ball and pretend that everythings fine, but its not. I'm not. I have these emotions which I can hardly control. Amen to the fact that I will hopefully get meds soon b/c I really don't know what I would do. people really would be surprised, sad to see me the way I was trying to do my math quiz, then HW tonight. So i get teast anxiety sometimes and I defenitely got it today. I was all of 2 questions into the quiz and I started hyperventalating a little then came the quiet tears. I tried but not hard ebought to supress them. I just hate not knowing. Hate regretting knowing that I knew I had a quiz and DIDNT study. then I came home and told Corrine that I got test anxious and that my group screwed up in history w/ our project and the only response she has for me is that i have 3 D's , a C and a B. never mind the B beign me I wish it were an A but I just said ok and resisted tears till I got in my room. 3 d's!!!??? I really don't know why I ever promised myself that**. I really need to do something. So I did something. I talked to Julie. If she hadn't picked up I would have tried Kate. I really needed to talkto someone today b4 I went to bed. I don't want to make bad decisions. I wasnt to be smart. I think I should change my name to I don't know. seriously- can you do that once you are 18? ok amybe not but I might move hopefully thought I will find my place in MN and get the proper meds, find more people for my support system and just get more friends! Talking to people I trust really helps when I need it. I have come a ways I think. From just keeping quiet to actually asking 4 help and stuff. It was G.L, well in part anyway.

Goodnight :)

<3 sasha